Arsenal v Leicester, Manchester City v Bournemouth: clockwatch – stay! | Premier League

A lovely goal from Gabriel Jesus on his home debut. Actually, it might have been deflected, but he’ll not care. He received the ball on the left side of the area, looked up and floated the ball imaginatively across Ward and into the far corner. I think it nicked off Evans, though it’s hard to be sure. Either way, the shot was on target so it’ll go down as Jesus’s goal.

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Erling Haaland literally didn’t touch the ball until the 18th minute, and that’s not an exaggeration, but as soon as he did it let to a goal. Haaland wrestled for the ball and then forced a return pass through to Ilkay Gundogan, who slapped it emphatically past Mark Travers.

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In decades to come, historians will scratch their heads when they reflect upon the late 2010s and early 2020s. Brexit, Trump, Covid, Johnson, populism, Twitter, post-truth, post-shame, post-dignity – all will defy understanding, in the same way our generation can’t imagine fag smoke wafting round an airplane and up pre-pubescent nostrils before the poor kids had the chance to get addicted to nicotine on their own terms.

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Most beard-strokingly of all, the finest minds on the planet will struggle to comprehend that many sensible, erudite people seriously doubted whether Erling Braut Haaland would score goals in industrial quantities at Manchester City.

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Haaland’s terrifying double at West Ham last weekend was a statement of the most devastating intent – 34’s the record, since you asked – and it’s a shame Opta don’t have statistics on how well the Bournemouth central defenders slept last night. Jefferson Lerma, Chris Mepham and Lloyd Kelly have the ginormous task of stopping Haaland, who makes his home debut for Manchester City today.

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City v Bournemouth – the Eddie Large game – is one of five 3pm kick-offs, all of which are likely to be played in extreme heat. We’ll also keep a side eye on events throughout the EFL, in Scotland and in Europe, but our main focus will be these five Premier League games:

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    n

  • Arsenal v Leicester

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  • Brighton v Newcastle

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  • Man City v Bournemouth

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  • Southampton v Leeds

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  • Wolves v Fulham

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Key occasions

“Timo Werner clearly left his bucket in Leipzig when he left for Chelsea,” says Brendan Large. “Go on Timo!”

I actually hope he succeeds. Some of the abuse he acquired was scandalous.

The newest Premier League scores

  • Arsenal 1-0 Leicester

  • Brighton 0-0 Newcastle

  • Man City 1-0 Bournemouth

  • Southampton 0-0 Leeds

  • Wolves 0-0 Fulham

GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Leicester (Jesus 23)

A stunning objective from Gabriel Jesus on his residence debut. Actually, it might need been deflected, however he’ll not care. He acquired the ball on the left facet of the world, appeared up and floated the ball imaginatively throughout Ward and into the far nook. I feel it nicked off Evans, though it is laborious to make sure. Either means, the shot was heading in the right direction so it will go down as Jesus’ objective.

Man City 1-0 Bournemouth That’s three objectives in simply over half an hour for Gundogan on the Emirates Etihad, in the event you embody his title-winning heroics in opposition to Aston Villa in May.

GOAL! Man City 1-0 Bournemouth (Gundogan 18)

Erling Haaland actually didn’t contact the ball till the 18th minute, and that is not an exaggeration, however as quickly as he did he let a objective. Haaland wrestled for the ball after which compelled a return cross by means of to Ilkay Gundogan, who slapped it emphatically previous Mark Travers.

Bundesliga Timo Werner has scored on his second debut for RB Leipzig. They’re drawing 1-1 at residence to FC Koln, though Dominic Szoboszlai has simply been despatched off.

Southampton 0-0 Leeds There’s been a VAR verify for a Southampton penalty after a deal with by Diego Llorente on Stuart Armstrong. Stockley Park’s best determined it was a good problem.

Brighton 0-0 Newcastle Callum Wilson has had a objective disallowed for a excessive boot, it says right here.

“It’s good and funky right here in Saint Paul, Minnesota, USA, USA, USA, too,” writes Matty Spillum. “Perhaps extra telling than whether or not the pyramid-scheme-unfolding-in-real-time catastrophe that’s Barcelona and their use of a fairly costly wanting typeface is their selection of coach Xavi for the graphic, presumably as a result of his picture rights are considerably cheaper to make use of.”

What provides me pause with Barcelona is that numerous very well-informed folks insist there may be nothing to see right here, so possibly we’re the clowns right here. Who is aware of.

Man City 0-0 Bournemouth Mark Travers, Bournemouth’s wonderful younger Irish goalkeeper, has simply saved fantastically along with his legs to disclaim Phil Foden. City may already be 4-0 up.

“Hey Rob,” says Vibhanshu Bisht. “If you need Comic Sans, the Man Utd recreation is within the 5.30pm slot.”

The sight of McFred’ in Comic Sans would tip some poor soul over the sting.

“Probably value noting that the second they kicked offBournemouth went prime of the league,” says Richard Morris. “Noting rapidly as most likely not for lengthy.”

“Do you assume Neil Warnock’s boat’s engine arrived auto-tuned to ‘Girl I Love You’ by Massive Attack?” says Neill Brown. “I haven’t got a speedboat or yacht so I do not know in the event you can select what bassline your engine performs.”

It’s a wonderfully affordable query, so why do I hold studying it as: “Do you assume Neil Warnock makes like to ‘I Just Called to Say I Love You’ by Stevie Wonder?”

Man City 0-0 Bournemouth Both City’s center-halves, Ruben Dias and Nathan Ake, have missed good possibilities, it additionally says right here.

Arsenal 0-0 Leicester Wesley Fofana has missed an excellent likelihood to offer Leicester the lead, it says right here.

“I ran into Bruno Lage in a restaurant in Tettenhall, Wolverhampton final week,” writes Peter Higginson. “Have you observed he has extremely skinny and lengthy legs, like a fly!” Do you assume that is vital?

It is now!

“Good afternoon, Rob!” says Alexandra Ashton. “Following up on Charles’ evaluation of the teamsheets posted by varied golf equipment’ social media, I’d prefer to voice my discontent with Wolves (utilizing a unique font for the numbers, captain ©, and the phrase “substitutes”??) and Bournemouth (I could also be blind, however these numbers appear quite laborious to learn). Conversely, I’m keen on Newcastle’s semi-condensed wanting font and really fairly shade scheme. Does this imply something? Obviously not, however I’ve nothing higher to do, so…”

All this font chat has received me wanting additional afield. Look at Barcelona’s, for instance. Can they even afford that font?

🚨 SQUAD LIST 🚨#BarçaRayo pic.twitter.com/mO0UxcrsUt

— FC Barcelona (@FCBarcelona) August 13, 2022

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The 3pm video games are about to start out, however let’s attend to extra vital issues: Grant Tennille has cracked the case of the Brighton/Radiohead font crossover.

TEAM NEWS. 🚨 Here's our beginning XI to face @NUFC this afternoon! 📝

📲 https://t.co/S3j1TIvOB3 // #BHAFC 🔵⚪️ pic.twitter.com/vVZqHMfcpo

— Brighton & Hove Albion (@OfficialBHAFC) August 13, 2022

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Radiohead Kid A album cowl 2000, created by Thom Yorke and Stanley Donwood Photograph: Parlophone

Aston Villa 2-1 Everton

Andy Hunter was at Villa Park to look at the house facet quieten a number of the chatter about their supervisor.

“Hey Rob!” says Joe Pearson. “How smug do you are feeling to be in Orkney proper now, comfortably within the teenagers when a lot of the matches might be performed within the 30s? Here in Indianapolis, it’s an unseasonably cool 64 (19 to you). Location, location, location.”

It does look violently scorching on the Emirates specifically. Reminds me of the 2003 Community Shield, when the warmth received to Phil Neville and Franny Jeffers.

“Those photos of staff choices permit a comparability of PR departments’ selection of font and elegance,” squints Charles Antakia. “They all go for all-caps, some (Leicester, Leeds) with beneficiant kerning, however Man City is suffocatingly tight. Fonts run a scale from boring (Bournemouth) to child-friendly (Brighton). Today’s prize goes to Arsenal, for someway digging up a font final seen within the spaceship signage of a Nineties sci-fi collection.”

Brighton’s seems to be like a Radiohead font, though I can not place which one. Any concepts? Leicester’s seems to be prefer it belongs on the portfolio of a start-up firm specializing in eco-friendly toothpaste. Sad to see that not one of the groups have gone for Comic Sans. What a humorless society we have grow to be.

“Firstly, Neil Warnock is an absolute enigma,” says Matt Dony. “Thoroughly dislikeable, but in addition at instances heat, humorous and fascinating. I do not get him. I do not know the way I really feel about him. Secondly, I stand by my pre-season prediction that Mitrovic will web eight objectives this season, scored both facet of a 10-game drought. He’s spaffed two of them already, so do not count on a lot from him at this time. Thirdly, poor Bournemouth. Poor, poor Bournemouth.”

Full time: Aston Villa 2-1 Everton

Aston Villa survived a late Everton onslaught, sparked by the introduction of the brand new signing Amadou Onana, to win their first residence recreation of the season.

Everton’s subsequent match, at residence to Nottingham Forest subsequent weekend, already seems like a biggie.

“Afternoon Rob,” weeps Simon McMahon. “Don’t fear about retaining too shut an eye fixed on issues in Scotland, as I’m nonetheless processing the occasions of Thursday evening as Dundee United have gone from heroes to zeroes within the house of per week, following victory over AZ Alkmaar with defeat at residence to Livingston after which a record-equaling pumping within the return leg in Holland on Thursday evening.

“No denying it, a correct winter for all involved with the Tannadice membership. Goodness is aware of what Jim McLean would have manufactured from it. The gamers will finally be compelled out of hiding to face Hearts at Tynecastle tomorrow. Champions Celtic are at Kilmarnock earlier than that, and at this time’s video games are Aberdeen v Motherwell, Livingston v Hibs, Rangers v St. Johnstone and St. Mirren v Ross County.”

Just watch this on loop for the following without end days.

In a parallel universe, Neil Warnock is simply beginning his staff speak forward of a tough match on the Weston Homes Stadium

Have they introduced the brand new Bond but? 😎 #FridayFeeling #heatwave #retirement pic.twitter.com/80rKE2t2Ad

— Neil Warnock (@warnockofficial) August 12, 2022

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‘The identify’s w****er. Colin w****r’, and so on.

Wolves v Fulham staff information

🔐 Unchanged XI from #LEEWOL
✍️ Guedes within the squad
👋 Adama again on the bench

How we line-up to face @FulhamFC 👇 pic.twitter.com/cyKQeQBUDG

— Wolves (@Wolves) August 13, 2022

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Your Fulham. 🤍#WOLFUL pic.twitter.com/Fe7OeOCwDS

— Fulham Football Club (@FulhamFC) August 13, 2022

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Southampton v Leeds staff information

It's a aggressive #SaintsFC debut for Armel Bella-Kotchap 😇

Here's at this time's staff for the sport in opposition to #LUFC: pic.twitter.com/TSyUxhhKMh

— Southampton FC (@SouthamptonFC) August 13, 2022

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📋 Jesse names an unchanged Starting XI, while Forshaw, Sinisterra and James characteristic on the bench pic.twitter.com/OatPBxJufY

— Leeds United (@LUFC) August 13, 2022

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Man City v Bournemouth staff information

#ManCity }”>

🔵 𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝒗𝗨𝗦 🔵

XI | Ederson, Walker, Dias, Ake, Cancelo, Rodrigo, De Bruyne, Gundogan (C), Mahrez, Haaland, Foden

SUBS | Ortega Moreno, Stones, Grealish, Alvarez, Bernardo, Delap, Mbete, Lewis, Wilson-Esbrand#ManCity | @HaysWorldwide pic.twitter.com/JnuQrNqo9B

— Manchester City (@ManCity) August 13, 2022

📝 𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝗡𝗘𝗪𝗦 📝

🔺 Three modifications at City
🔺 Cook begins in midfield
🔺 Solanke and Zemura miss out

Our line up for #MCIBOU 👊👊 pic.twitter.com/XckRvDrVfE

— AFC Bournemouth 🍒 (@afcbournemouth) August 13, 2022

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📝 𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝒗𝗘𝗦𝗦 📝

🔺 Three modifications at City
🔺 Cook begins in midfield
🔺 Solanke and Zemura miss out

Our line up for #MCIBOU 👊👊 pic.twitter.com/XckRvDrVfE

— AFC Bournemouth 🍒 (@afcbournemouth) August 13, 2022

Brighton v Newcastle staff information

TEAM NEWS. 🚨 Here's our beginning XI to face @NUFC this afternoon! 📝

📲 https://t.co/S3j1TIvOB3 // #BHAFC 🔵⚪️ pic.twitter.com/vVZqHMfcpo

— Brighton & Hove Albion (@OfficialBHAFC) August 13, 2022

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How we line-up on the Amex Stadium this afternoon…

HWTL! ✊⚫️⚪️ pic.twitter.com/v62X4UlUVF

— Newcastle United FC (@NUFC) August 13, 2022

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Arsenal v Leicester staff information

🚨 TEAM NEWS!

We're unchanged from our 2-0 win over Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park 🔥#ARSLEI

— Arsenal (@Arsenal) August 13, 2022

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🚨 TEAM NEWS!

We’re unchanged from our 2-0 win over Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park 🔥#ARSLEI

— Arsenal (@Arsenal) August 13, 2022

Our XI to tackle the Gunners 🔵 📝#ARSLEI pic.twitter.com/TNpzp9hNhX

— Leicester City (@LCFC) August 13, 2022

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On Monday, the Premier League might be 30 years previous. Barney Ronay had the unenviable job of condensing three many years of hype and historical past right into a breezy, trendy, clever 2,000-word learn.

Look out, it is the Premier League!

The early Premier League recreation is at Villa Park, the place Aston Villa leads Everton 1-0 at half-time. Scott Murray is watching that one.

Preamble

In many years to return, historians will scratch their heads after they mirror upon the late 2010s and early 2020s. Brexit, Trump, Covid, Johnson, populism, Twitter, post-truth, post-shame, post-dignity – all will defy understanding, in the identical means our technology cannot think about fag smoke wafting spherical an airplane and up pre-pubescent nostrils earlier than the poor children had the possibility to get hooked on nicotine on their very own phrases.

Most beard-strokingly of all, the best minds on the planet will wrestle to know that many smart, erudite individuals severely doubted whether or not Erling Braut Haaland would rating objectives in industrial portions at Manchester City.

Haaland’s terrifying double at West Ham final weekend was an announcement of probably the most devastating intent – ​​34’s the document, because you requested – and it is a disgrace Opta do not have statistics on how effectively the Bournemouth central defenders slept final evening. Jefferson Lerma, Chris Mepham and Lloyd Kelly have the large job of stopping Haaland, who makes his residence debut for Manchester City at this time.

City v Bournemouth – the Eddie Large recreation – is certainly one of 5 3pm kick-offs, all of that are prone to be performed in excessive warmth. We’ll additionally hold a facet eye on occasions all through the EFL, in Scotland and in Europe, however our primary focus might be these 5 Premier League video games:

  • Arsenal v Leicester

  • Brighton v Newcastle

  • Man City v Bournemouth

  • Southampton v Leeds

  • Wolves v Fulham

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